Worst Album Covers - Recently Updated Pages

Extra Cheese

poetwarrior — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:10:20 CST

Who needs a "pre-fab four" when you can have this Pre-fab Five? Just look at how the exposed, hairless wonder-chests and plaid outfits just scream out at you louder than an army of bagpipers! Apparently, this band allowed their business manager to also make album art choices because he pretty much stunk at both jobs. With the combination of hairstyles and unrelenting use of Scottish tartan, it would be tough for this band to top this album cover for sheer cheesiness...

...but you would be wrong.

It got much worse when the chose to end their career as a 70s teenybopper band with this "deep" cover. Oooh, I think I get it...the music industry is a game not unlike chess. In other words, you need brains and skill to win. If like the BCR you have neither, then this is how your last album will look on the front.

Apparently no one wants us to suffer seeing the back of this album, but it's about the most cheesy sci-fi homage to the hairless chest of Les. Since their entire career has been cursed with cheesy album covers, I'll spare you the rest of them. You'll thank me later.

STRICTLY ROOTS!

CHA CHA CHA?

This is Kenny Loggins and the mystical orb. Say hello orb. Man, Kenny Loggins is now "orbalicious" in my book!

I'm guessing that this is pre "danger zone" Loggins.

David Hasselhoff
Night Rocker, 1985

As a culture overly fond of ham, Germany provided a willing audience for David Hasselhoff's 1980s musical output. Historians are still debating whether the destruction of the Berlin Wall a few years later was sparked by East Germans struggling to escape from boom-boxes blasting the Hoff.

Good lord look at the hoff looking like gary glitter

perhaps the title should have been off his rocker

David Lanz
East of the Moon, 2000

Grammy-winning English composer-pianist David Lanz (we'd never heard of him, either) aims to attract Gen Y to his special New Age-jazz blend with his impression of Napoleon Dynamite at hand-dance club. Is that a bird in flight? Perhaps a dove to symbolize peace? Or is Lanz conducting an invisible orchestra? As Napoleon would say, "Idiot!"

The John Tesh Project
Discovery, 1996

From the John Tesh Project — basically, a former Entertainment Tonight host and his battery-operated Casio keyboard — comes a trippy musical tale of maritime transportation gone awry. See, dude, there was this lighthouse, and then these huge ships were, like, floating in the sky...

Orleans
Waking and Dreaming, 1976

A band of modest renown from upstate New York (don't ask about the name Orleans), these '70s soft-rockers made headlines in 2004 when President Bush incorporated their biggest hit, "Still the One," into his reelection rallies without permission. What better choice for a social conservative who would amend the Constitution to ban same-sex marriage than a song promoted by five naked guys embracing? Rather than pay for fair use, Bush's camp stopped playing the tune.

makes the village people look butch

Magnum
On a Storyteller's Night, 1985

Apologies to all 35-year-old D&D addicts, while we snicker at this best-of-breed salute to medieval-metal inanity. Truly, an oil-painted portal into another world, one where pretentious English rockers captivate middle-age adolescents en route to a Renaissance faire. Fare thee well!

Bernard Hebb and Finn Svit
Guitar Impressions: Music for Two Guitars, 1994

With their fan base waning, Eddie and Alex Van Halen kick it down a notch and ease into their golden years.

Mick Ronson
Play Don't Worry, 1975

No one doubts dearly departed Mick Ronson's enthusiasm and talent for the guitar. But his cross-my-heart, blue-and-black spandex top, paired with what can only be described as a striped arm warmer, forces us to reevaluate his sartorial sanity.

Joe Diffie
Life's So Funny, 1995

For our mid-'90s time capsule, class, we need an object that conveys Southern America's fixation on mullets, moustaches, and gee-tars. Extra points if you can scavange up something that includes a black leather vest and projects a dash of good-ol'-boy humor.

Daryl Stuermer
Steppin' Out, 1990

The jacket says Michael Jackson 1984, but the face says Heath Ledger 2031.

The Brothers Johnson
Look Out for Number 1, 1976

Got it, you guys are really, really, really into the guitar. Really, we got it.

Heino
Seine Großen Erfolge, 2001

Three things you need to know about Germany's Heino: 1) he never removes his shades; 2) he does a killer rendition of "Edelweiss"; 3) he considers Col. Sanders a fashion icon.

what a wanker

Jermaine Jackson
My Name is Jermaine, 1976

..and not "third Jackson from the left behind Michael."

Eddie Murphy
How Could It Be, 1985

The fact that Eddie Murphy's handlers let him release this cheesetastic album is not as puzzling as Eddie's "I'm a serious musician" pose. Especially considering the albums biggest hit "Party All the Time" had no piano to be found.

Millie Jackson
E.S.P. - Extra Sexual Person

Nicely placed crystal ball, Millie. Ms. Jackson strikes again (see "That's Disgusting") with a combination fortune teller / prostitute pose.

Francisco y Fernando
Vamos a la Playa

I tried my darndest to find out when this album was made. I even found translated pages of reviews of their music. Meaning may be lost in translation:

Re: Fernando and Francisco
The fags are an excrement those safe q kill to straws to the day. In addition I am divided the ass in his God face, since mieeeeeerda can make people this? they will be hijosdeputa….

Spinal Tap
Break Like the Wind, 1992

Yes, this is a "mostly fictional" band, and therefore a "mostly fictional" album cover, but we just had to applaud David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek Smalls for their effective use of all the best heavy metal cliches. The stormy night sky, fog from nowhere, metallic lettering and vague/tough looks are all in place.

Ken
By Request Only

I don't know who is requesting Ken, but for the love of God, STOP!

ken looks like a an even worse version of warren clarke if thats possible

Harry Breuer and his Quintet
Mallet Mischief

Harry has finally discovered to key to inducing suicide through the nefarious use of xylophone playing. Criminal genius!!

Paddy Roberts
Songs for Gay Dogs

Hits from the album include "Rainbow Colored Leashes," "The Fido Fab Five" and "Other Dogs' Butts Drive Me Nuts."

Freddie Gage
All My Friends Are Dead

This is from Gage's "uplifting and happy" period.

Menudo
Menudo Mania

"Boys...hold these surfboards so you look fun-loving and carefree!"

Emerson, Lake and Palmer
Love Beach, 1978

Considering these guys went on to later use Geiger's work for cover art, Love Beach is a dark, dark mark in their discography.

The Rolling Stones
Get Your Ya-Yas Out! The Rolling Stones in Concert

Nothing says hard rocking live album like a random leaping musician, and a one-donkey band.

David Crosby
If I Could Only Remember My Name

...I Could Tell Myself to Stop Making Cheesy Album Covers."

Terry Riley
A Rainbow in Curved Air

...and thin hair.

mel smith

ABBA
Gracias Por La Musica

Everything on this album is the exact opposite of anything Latin.

Denis Walter
By Request

Who, I demand, WHO requested this?! Heads will roll!!

Harry Secombe

He lives in a van down by the river.

check those sideboards he could be a 70s darts player

Heino
Liebe Mutter...

Heino strikes again!

and i would like to strike heino

Joseph Cooper
The World of Joseph Cooper

Apparently Joseph Cooper's world includes a creepy smile, oddly placed piano and bad suit.

Jim Post
I Love My Life

Try to convince us a little harder Jim.

William Hung
Hung for the Holidays

Didn't this guy's fifteen minutes of fame run out two years ago?

Eddie Murphy
Love's Alright

Didn't he learn anything from his early 80s entre into the musical world?

Gary Dee Bradford
Sings for You and You and You

Wow, thanks Gary, you really shouldn't have...

I wonder if he used the royalties from this album to fix his wonky eye...

my god isnt that the thing from the goonies

Rappin' Rodney
Rappin' Rodney

Quite possibly Hip-Hop's lowest moment, or finest hour, the jury is still out on this one.

Jim Nabors
Christmas

Jim has a little present for you...it's in his pants!

Happy Kwanzaa!

Kristian Hoffman
I don't Love My Guru Anymore

Poor Kristian...he's lost that lovin' feelin'. Maybe he can help Jim open up that present in his pants...

El Vez

Sno-Way Jose

Wait Kristian before you shed another tear, El Vez is here with a heaping helping of Yuletide cheer... succumb to his pencil-thin mustache...

Rob and Fab
Self-Titled

You couldn't have an "Extra Cheese" category without these two. Do they have to go pee pee? Why are they doing that?

The Louvin Brothers
Satan is Real

Yes, Satan is definitely real. He's also badly drawn and made of cardboard.

Bonnie Raitt | Home Plate
What the h*ll was Bonnie thinking!? What's with the baseball reference? Why is the plate drawn in? So many questions, no answers.

Rachid
Prototype

Prototype came out at the peak of the "neo-soul" movement. Insiders --many who had heard the advance Prototype promotional CD packaged in a unassuming brown sleeve with simple artwork-- buzzed about the quality of this album. The simple artwork of the promotional CD was well suited for the wonderful progressive organic soul vibe of Prototype.

Imagine the surprise of those who touted Rachid as the next big thing in "neo-soul" when this disaster of an album cover landed in record stores?!?!?! Is that pink fog in the background of a futuristic rocket launching pad? Based on his facial expression, I can only gather that Rachid is confused by this horrible cover art as well. With good reason; This cover art could easily be a case study on how to kill a promising music career through poor imaging. Not even the fact that Rachid is the son of Kool and the Gang's Ronald Bell could rescue poor Rachid after this disasterous packaging!

Ian Dury & The Blockheads.
Mr. Love Pants

I think we know which side of the group came up with this cover art idea. I'll leave it at that.

Think you can do better? Feel free to add albums to this page!
Edit the comments for more comic appeal by choosing EasyEdit at the bottom of the page.
Don't have any vinyl in your collection? Finding album covers online is easy.

Also see:

Fashion Victims

Naughty and Bawdy

Religious Sinners

That's Disgusting!

Weird Wonders

mrwolfe26 — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:42:27 CST

YouRus by The Pyramid Men
This abomination begs the question where and who are The Pyramid Men, and do we really care ?

Another beauty from
www.blackgemrecords.com

SPIKE MILLIGAN
Milligan Preserved

"Head case".

Check out Black Gem Records at www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS more truly bad record covers!

Another PAIR of beauties from
www.blackgemrecords.com

Captain Hook & His Pirate Crew - Anchor's Away (Alternate covers)

AAAAARGH! Yeah, like once wasn't enough. Alternate covers of one of the all-time classic crazy Christian kids LPs. Kooky conception by a guy who parlayed tragedy into "big bucks", after getting into a car accident as a teenager and losing an arm and a leg. Talk about creativity, huh? Low budget back cover on one of the albums is blank slicker slapped over their "Ship Ahoy" album back!

Anyone have any sales figures on these? I mean, the first press must have been a frickin' smash if they needed to re-issue it. And which Satan-worshipper forced the little boy in front to wear that pink shirt?

Check out Black Gem Records at www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS more of the world's best album covers!

Michael Hurely
Have Moicy! 1992

Folks, this is probably the most frightning edition of "Where is Waldo?" that was ever banned from national TV. Micheal Hurley, bless his little heart, who couldn't let this masterpiece go to waste, has used it as an album cover for one of his psychedelic folk tunes.
Oh how fortunate we are!

"Look, lil' Jonny, is Waldo behind that "RIP" juice bottle, strumming with the drunken wolves? Or is he mopping the floor with a magical tune-sea-horse?"
-Good times.

Jesus Couldn't Drum
Er, Something About Cows, 1984

From the band who made a, more than likely, true statement with their name continue in lunacy by inserting a close up of a cow nose over cartoon versions of themselves.

Kevin Rowland
My Beauty, 1999

From the singer who pleaded "Come on Eileen" comes the woefully mistitled My Beauty. The former Dexys Midnight Runners frontman explains his inspiration in the liner notes: "These songs started to penetrate my frightened world. They reawakened something I'd only fleetingly sensed before… it was beauty… my beauty." Uh, Kev, put down your skirt. That ain't pretty.

Wild Colonials
This Can't Be Life, 1996

No hard and fast criteria exist for how to guarantee a truly awful album cover. Except one: Anthropomorphic root vegetables, especially playing the accordion, will win a place on the worst list every time. Bonus points to these indie popsters for, no joke, depicting a parsnip jumping rope on the reverse.

John Bult
Julie's Sixteenth Birthday

Another hard-to-find classic of bad-album aficionados (find it and more worst wonders at Pork Tornado), Julie's Sixteenth Birthday has Netizens buzzing about the uncomfortable relationship it depicts. Just us, or is booze-and-nicotine-addicted, wedding-band-wearing Creepy Mountain Man intent on celebrating Julie's sweet 16 back at his place?

-I don't know Julie, but I'd guess that her 16th birthday included a cheap hotel room, liquor and a morning of regret Courtknee

Poison
Open Up and Say... Ahh!, 1988

There are two versions of the Open Up and Say... Ahh! cover: the original, shown here, and the more-common edited edition, which blacks out all but the model's feline eyes. Word is this less-than-bashful lass, with her savage hair and face paint, pierced nostril, and perversely pointy tongue, made Reagan-era retailers a bit jittery. Almost 20 years later, we're still appalled.

Def Leppard
On Through the Night, 1990

Because when we think trucking industry, those fine folks who transport goods across this grand nation of highways, we think English heavy metal. Not. OK, the big guitar makes sense for these hard-rocking axe masters, but why the 18-wheeler? And why in outer space? Too many questions.

Eleven
Thunk, 1995

This album was created: a) to teach children about gravity; b) to promote a comedy troupe; c) as the fourth full-length from an acclaimed L.A. hard-rock trio. Trivia: Drummer Jack Irons left Eleven in 1994 to join Pearl Jam. Don't have to be Isaac Newton to know that was the right move.

Kruder and Dorfmeister
G-Stoned, 1995

Austrian masters of the remix ape Simon and Garfunkel's iconic Bookends cover. What, you expected two remixers to think up something original?

Peter Mathers
Sundance: A Rhumba Flamenco Fantasy, 2000

Classical guitarist Peter Mathers turns his talents to two genres of Latin music that epitomize soulful passion.

Ultimate Spinach
The Box, 2001

Poor cousins to psychedelic '60s stars like Jefferson Airplane and the Doors, Ultimate Spinach was a Boston band that had faded into the ether until this 2001 box set appeared like a bad flashback. Obviously, that carnivorous shark would prefer to be eating a hippie musician.

Aphex Twin
Windowlicker, 1999

Though technically not an album cover, the package of Aphex Twin's single "Windowlicker" did, however, leave a big impression. Not a good impression, but a big impression nonetheless. How odd that Richard D. James coyly records his cutting-edge techno under a pseudonym, but willingly reveals his face, in this case grafted atop a buxom lass.

Jonah Jones
I Dig Chicks!, 1958

By using a backhoe to lift a bunch of shapely gals, the trumpet virtuoso is literally digging chicks. But between friends, the aggressive use of construction equipment (to say nothing of the photo's flamboyant campiness) makes us question the title’s veracity.

Ferrante and Teicher
Killing Me Softly, 1973

"I love this album," a friend says of her thrift-store treasure, "but the cover creeps me out." And why would Ferrante and Teicher, an easy-listening piano duo that peaked during the lounge era, bedeck this album with a tearful girl and big blue eyes that follow you around the room, instead of their own photo? Ahhh, you've never seen Ferrante and Teicher.

The Jimmy Castor Bunch
The Everything Man, 1995

Minutes later, Wilma Flintstone called the cops to break up the party. Just as Fred murmured, "Mmm, mmm, baby got back."

Kiss
Crazy Nights, 1990

Marking the exact moment when millions of Kiss fans screamed in unison, "Put your makeup back on!"

random note: *giggle* they all look like a collection of Xena the Princess Warrior posters, each in a different state of feminism.

Nellie McKay
Get Away from Me, 2004

Talk about mixed messages. On the one hand, the title of this nouveau cabaret singer's album implores us to skedaddle. One the other, she's hooting and hollerin' like a moron begging for attention. In fact, this cover is so disturbing that distributors slapped it with a Parental Advisory label ... for lameness.

Limp Bizkit
Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, 2000

The title is actually made of two rather nasty euphamisms for cetain parts of the anatomy. But apparently, they needed a cover to represent the title? I don't know whether the sickly aliens or the dozens of hot dogs gross me out more.

Crosby, Stills and Nash
Live it Up, 1990

Continuing with the hot dog theme, Crosby, Stills and Nash "Live it Up"....with a wienie roast on the moon? After years of cocaine abuse, apparently the boys need to go this far to have a good time while sober.

Sunshine Bus
Voyage into Magic Feeling Sense,

I imagine little Joanie received quite a bit of money for creating this very special cover for her daddy's band's album. Either that or this is the result of the bass player's most recent acid trip.

Waylon Jennings
Ladies Love Outlaws

And Waylon loves little girls! Somebody call SVU!

Kate Bush
Mini LP, 1983

I'm not sure the look Kate was going for here, but whatever it was, it didn't work.

The Frivolous Five
Sour Cream & Other Delights

Another terrible homage to Herb Alpert's Whip Cream and Other Delights. Just one look at this makes me want to swear off tacos, baked potatoes, and anything else that requires sour cream.

Geraldine and Ricky
Trees Talk Too!

The freaky mannequin and lady in white welcome you to Fantasy Island!

Si Zentner and His Orchestra
The Swingin' Eye

The Swingin' Eye is watching you! And it has legs to chase you down! Head for the hills! Save yourselves!!

The Cranberries
Bury the Hatchet, 1999

I told you...the Swinging Eye is out to get you! Run now!!

When the hipper-than-thou music geeks at the e-zine Pitchfork assembled a list of terrible album covers, this pretentious Cranberries number led the pack. Artist Storm Thorgerson, famous for his Pink Floyd designs, depicts a naked man (which earned the album an "explicit cover" designation) in the desert beneath a giant floating eyeball. As Pitchfork summarizes: "inane." At least the artwork succeeds in conveying that Dolores O'Riordan and Co. are taking themselves way too seriously.

Tripping Daisy
I am an elastic firecracker, 1995

Perhaps the only thing more perplexing than the music on this album was the cover. Proof positive that red liquid latex should be handled carefully. (marsupialmayhem)

Le Père Gédéon
On s'déBlance, 1959

I have no information on this album at all...but the cover is priceless.
(Apparently this guy was a writer/humorist from Quebec)

Fireballet
Two, Too...., 1976

This 1976 release from the progressive rock band Fireballet marked a departure from their rock routes and an exploration into something a bit more, shall we say, fruitier?

Marty Gold
Hi Fi Fo Fum

"What's that little woman? You want me to EAT you? Well...if you insist!"

Badfinger
Ass

Must....worship....Carrot....God!

***someone has clearly missed the sexual nature of this cover. "badfinger" carrot. "ass" donkey.
I rest my case.

Yeah....still not getting it. So we are supposed to put carrots in our ass or badfingers in donkeys....or????

Eight Balls
A Musical Essay of Dixieland Jazz with the Eight Balls

Proof that a lot of Shriner's, a big novelty 8 ball, and Dixieland music on the trumpet can raise the dead!

Dave Starr
The Nearer the Bone, The Sweeter the Meat

Dave Starr wins the prize for "album title most likely to be followed by the phrase 'that's what she said.' "

The Electric Amish
A Hard Day's Work

Extra points for using a donkey AND an oxymoron on the cover...take that Badfinger!

Phish
Billy Breathes

And Billy uses nose-hair clippers, too!

REO Speedwagon
You can Tune a Piano, but you can't Tuna FIsh

You know I have always wanted to see that play on words in visual form. Thanks REO Speedwagon! You've made my dreams come true!!

Queen
The Miracle

You'd think with the brainpower of four they would have decided against this cover.

Nelson
Because They Can

Only slighty better looking than the actual Nelson twins.

Van Halen
Balance

Odd siamese twins in an apocalyptic wasteland sure says "Rock and Roll" fellas.

Swamp Dogg
Rat On!

Before Snoop Dogg, there was Swamp Dogg....on a giant rat. See Swamp Dogg's other contribution here.

Ali and His Gang
Vs. Mr. Tooth Decay

Obviosly Mr. Clay wasn't investing his money wisely, but you have to admire the champ for going after Mr. Tooth Decay...and look at that left hook he's dealing that rainbow...take that, you refractive prismatic streak of light!

Oppera
Violence

Do you guys remember "Martika" aka "Gloria" from the show Kids Incorporated? Well she's back with her new band Oppera. See that guy holding the sharp knife? That's her husband getting ready to chuck another stiletto at his strung up wife.

Way to go Martika, it's nice to know that you're in a nice stable relationship with someone who loves and values you...good for you!

El Vez
Son of a Lad from Spain?

El Vez returns to show you that not only is he an avid fan of the King of Rock and Roll but he is also stalking Ziggy Stardust. Hey Vez, where is your little mustache? I think somebody is going through some ch-ch-ch-changes...

James White and the Blacks
Off White

You know what they say James, once you go black, you never go back...

Cerrone
Supernature

"Arrgghh!! the surgeon is trying to maul me with his incredibly bad long hair-do,open-button long sleeve shirt,a fake necklace,heels and a pair of tight jeans he stole from George Michael!!"

Think you can do better? Feel free to add albums to this page!
Edit the comments for more comic appeal by choosing EasyEdit at the bottom of the page.
Don't have any vinyl in your collection? Finding album covers online is easy.

Also see:

Extra Cheese

Fashion Victims

Naughty and Bawdy

Religious Sinners

That's Disgusting!

Naughty and Bawdy

Flame_Girl — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 11:05:05 CDT

GREAT BAD COVER ART WEBSITE!.

Have any criminally unsexy album covers to share? Click EasyEdit and add them to the page.

John Lennon & Yoko Ono
Unfinished Music No.1: Two Virgins

Yeah, like we haven't seen that coming.

Boy, I'd hate to imagine how Unfinished Music No.2 would have looked like.

Virgins my ass.

Jimi Hendrix
Electric Ladyland

Take it from Jimi, guys. All girls really did back in the sixties, was come together, take their clothes off and listen to rock records. This gave way to the Slumber Party tradition; minus the Rock records of course. Presently, girls still congregate only to jump around in their panties and give you precious masturbation material!
NOT.

Let Hendrix turn in his grave!

Bitchslap Breaks
So i think this is music for people who breakdance....I don't get it

Christina Aguilera
Stripped, 2002

Tough to make rival Britney Spears look like the classy one, but Christina Bad-hair-a accepts the challenge. Um, you're the one who can actually sing; no need to be the skeevy one, too.

Tino
Por Primera Vez

The title translates as "for the first time," and given young Tino's wedding ring and come-hither look, it's apparent what first time he means. But when a groom slips into a skin-tight polo and denim short-shorts on his wedding night, the bride's in for an interesting marriage. (Shout-out to the wonderful worst-of list at Pork Tornado.)

Prince
Lovesexy, 1990

The androgynous genius who has rocked cheek-less pants, high-heel booties, and more purple than a vineyard decides to pose au naturel. Suddenly, we're nostalgic for cheek-less pants.

H.W.A.
Az Much Ass Azz U Want, 1994

Slutty and proud, '90s trio Hoez With Attitude, update the classic girl group for a new generation. Just like the Supremes, H.W.A. members coordinate their outfits and dance moves. Of course, Diana Ross didn't leave the stage with dollar bills stuffed in her thong.

My Pussy Belongs to Daddy
Fay Richmonde, 1960's

take a listen here

Moist
Silver, 1994

Fist or camel toe? Or some frightful combination thereof? Must ... look... away.

Johnny Pate
Shaft in Africa Soundtrack, 1973

Not content just to erase decades of civil-rights progress, this soundtrack cover further insults by suggesting that music fans haven't fully grasped the title. Oh, you mean, Shaft? As in big phallus jutting out from a man's crotch? Gotcha.

Tom Jones
The Best of Tom Jones, 1998

There comes a time in every man's life, Tom, when he should keep his shirt buttoned up. Proably a good idea to go easier on the baby oil, too.

Trina
Da Baddest Bitch, 2000

A rapper so skanky she makes L'il Kim look like a nun, Trina wins plaudits for this modest (for her) paramedic's ensemble. But we take offense to her defibrillator use. First, if she's so bad, why is she trying to revive this guy? Second, if living means listening to Trina's music, he'd surely prefer to die.

Luke
In the Nude, 1993

Hey Luke! You're not nude if you have a hat on!

Boned

Up at the Crack, 2004

I've always heard that a guitars were phallic symbols, but this really puts a "face" on the metaphor.

Swamp Dogg
If I Ever Kiss it...He Can Kiss it Goodbye!

This is straight from the artist's site...no foolin!

"After years of singing about crooked politicians, world peace, hunger, homelessness, Viet Nam war, etc., Swamp Dogg decided after 9/11, that it was time to lighten up and give people a chance to re-assess their lives and re-prioritize. This is an album of songs and music for dancing and making love only. It does not have any social redeeming qualities, nor does it provoke thought. This is all about shaking your ass and giving up the ass, the adult way."

So...while millions of Americans wanted to hear music about hope and inspiration post 9-11, Swap Dogg thought what we really needed as a nation was a bump and grind album? Classy!

Debbie Gibson

Shock Your Mama, 1992

"What Madonna promises Debbie delivers with Shock Your Mama."

This is the original blurb on the back of this album. My eighth-grade prayers have been answered.

(mixelplik)

Pansy Division
Pile Up

This album cover reminds me of my days as a young life guard in the swiss alps. Ahhh hans, you sneaky strudel-huffer, I knew that wasn't a bouy...

(mixelplik)

The Kinks
Schoolboys in Disgrace

"Let this be a lesson to you Johnny..."

NOFX
Heavy Petting Zoo

You can love sheep, just don't LOVE sheep!

The Scorpions
Virgin Killer

The Scorpions got in big trouble for this one! The white bars were placed digitally, and the original cover featured a topless pre-pubescent girl with some sort of strange twinkle emanating from you know where.

The album was quickly ripped from shelves and replaced by this strangly covered up album image:

The Scorpions
Love Drivethrough

"I said LOOK, don't touch! Now see what you did!!"

Ahhh...Scorpions. Will you ever learn? See the Caption Contest Winners page for more of this bands album cover sins.

Snoop Dogg
Doggystyle, 1993

Snoop's debut album looks like it was ripped from a naughty issue of MAD magazine.

Whitesnake
Love Hunter

Is that an eel or are you just happy to see me?

Broad Minded
Billy Devroe

It was a heated race between "Date Rape with Devroe" or "Karen Show Us Your Boobs" but the censors won out, resulting in a bland double entendre of a title.

Eddie Mack
Eddie Mack Live

They don't call him "Mack" for nothing. Only in the 60s could someone with a nose like that get a pretty hippy chick to pose nude on his piano top. Free love indeed!

Richard and Willie
Funny Honkey, Nasty Nigger

Yep those are mannequins, and yep he's on his knees, and yep he's doing what you think he's doing.

Ernest Tubb
My Hill Billy Baby & Big Hits

I'd venture to guess that Big Hits aren't all that Ernest Tubb has done in his day.

I'm sure Ernest is enraged that his album title
was mispelled so badly;
"It's My Hill Billy Baby & Big Tits! Big TITS!"
Darn.

Shocking Rugby Songs Vol. 3

Complete with a shocking psuedo sexual assault pose.

James Last
The Music of James Last

The sequel to this album is "The Threesome of James Last" and then "The Harem of James Last" followed by "The Enormous Child Support Payments of James Last."

Pooh-Man (MC Pooh)
Funky as I Wanna Be

What in God's name did she eat for dinner last night?!

Ashford and Simpson
The Very Best of Ashford and Simpson

Is that a post-coital glow, or a pre-coital anticipation of their faces?

2 Live Crew
As Nasty as They Wanna Be

Just say no to crack!

20 Minute Workout
As Seen On TV

Ahhh the original 20 minute workout...this was an early morning "aerobic" program on cable T.V. 20 years ago. Approved pants down viewing for sure...RONCO put the album out, adds a whole new meaning to "pocket fisherman", hmmmm...

Music to Lose Your Knickers By
Self-Titled

I think I will add this little ditty to my birthday wishlist....the album, not the girl!

RuPaul
Ho Ho Ho

The good folks at VH1 felt the need to unleash some holiday queer...er...I mean...cheer...

I didn't know Lil' Kim was a drag queen...

F*ck You Spaceman!
Self-Titled

This is the coolest Star-Trek tribute album EVER!!! The coolest track of the whole album is performed by the group THREE STONED MEN called "Lt. Uhura", here's a sample: "Checkov's a jackoff, and Sulu's a homo, and Scotty's a drunkard, I'm the only one for you."

Pure poetry.

PAOLO CONTE "Paris Milonga" (RCA, 1981)

Maybe Paolo Conte was in vacancy, maybe the art-director of RCA listened another record, maybe the graphic designer received a wrong picture originally assigned to a disco-dance combo, maybe... it's simply the worst cover in the whole Conte's discography.

Think you can do better? Feel free to add albums to this page!

Edit the comments for more comic appeal by choosing EasyEdit at the bottom of the page.
Don't have any vinyl in your collection? Finding album covers online is easy.

Also see:

Extra Cheese

Fashion Victims

Religious Sinners

That's Disgusting!

Weird Wonders

Religious Sinners

eyebeeuk — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 23:35:49 CDT

When a spiritual musician crosses the fine line between earnest and cloying, the results can be far from heavenly. Join the cool kids in the back pew and snicker at these hellish examples.

Have any unholy creations of your own to rival these blasphemers? Click EasyEdit and add 'em to the page!

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Jerry Irby
Hot Line To Heaven

"Hi, God? Jerry here. Listen, I appreciate all you've done for me, really - but the guys are giving me a helluva time about this pink phone... No, I'm not being ungrateful, for God's sake. It's just I figured the accomodations here would be, you know, a little more in line with "paradise" and "eternal bliss" and all the other stuff you promise in the brochure--- What? you're out of phones??? Damn. OK, then can you at least help me with this suit?? I was expecting actual wings - not lapels the size of wings. Plus it blinds half the angels, for chrissake; and the polyester makes it hotter than Hell...".

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Another beauty from
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Tammy Faye Bakker
Run Toward The Roar

One quick bite Simba, that's all it would take...

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Jay Snell
Sex And The Female

Yeah, this guy's obviously an expert. Sick sermon preached live under a tent. Flat out vicious and nasty anti-everything paranoid rant. I don't picture much of smile as he talks, which actually is kind of fortunate, since the smarminess creeps the hell out of me. Totally deranged!

Check out Black Gem Records at www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS more of the world's greatest album covers!

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The Ambassadors
With God's Love

Here's one that's a mindboggling gestalt montage of utter hideousness. Where to begin? The hazy gray-on-gray-on-gray polaroid photography? The "Oh-my-God-cover-my-eyes!" fashion? Or the hair - mounds and mounds of nightmare-inducing hair?

Or maybe it's just these guys put on their Sunday best, such as it was - pearly white pants and all - to sit on some dirty rocks around a pond.

Yeah, maybe God could show us all a little love and blind us 'til this image leaves our minds forever.

Check out Black Gem Records at www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS more odd album covers!

The Beatles
Yesterday And Today

Originally released as the Yesterday cover in 1966 but later reclaimed by the record company after raising much controversy; perhaps regarding the Beatles’ poor life style choices. Oh, but we still love you guys! The rock star lifestyle comes with the job, right? You know what the say… babies, meat and Rock’n’Roll.

Country Church
Country Church

Vocal talent by God. Album cover by Sears Portrait Studio. (Expert crate-digging by the worst-album experts at Pork Tornado.)

DC Talk
Nu Thang, 1991

Hip-hop captures the struggles, aspirations, and musical heritage of America's meanest streets. DC Talk, on the other hand, captures the struggles, aspirations, and musical heritage of America's suburban megachurch parking lots. The rap trio brings Christian flava to the genre with heartfelt ditties about abstinence, tithing, and why good kids wear socks with shorts.

The Ministers Quartet
Let Me Touch Him

For the record, it was Fred, far right, who wanted to touch Randy, second from left. (A good touch goes out to Pork Tornado, who discovered this gem.)

Lordi
Devil Is a Loser, 2004

According to recent news reports, residents of Finland are furious that their 2006 representative at the prestigious Eurovision song contest is Lordi, who according to The New York Times, "have eight-foot retractable latex Satan wings, sing hits like 'Chainsaw Buffet' and blow up slabs of smoking meat on stage." One look at the band's 2004 album and our prayers go out to all of Scandinavia.
Lordi in fact went onto win Eurovision that year, and... well, that says it all, really!

A.A. Allen
God is a Killer!!

But he's not dead!

God Isn't Dead

But he is a Killer!

Mike Crain
God's Power

Why aren't there more karate chopping priests?
"I kick ass for the Lord!"

The McKeithers

This family quartet reaches new heights in spiritual music and hairdos. Mom's look is so distracting you almost miss Rapunzel and the Howdy Doody boys next to her.

The Louvin Brothers
Satan is Real

According to the liner notes, this Gospel/Country duo conceived and built the album concept themselves. What?! The horribly cheesy and fake looking Satan was built from scratch? Lies!

Mike Adkins
Thank you for the Dove

And thank you for the cheesy cover, Mike.

Little David and Family
I Feel Like Traveling On....

This gospel singing family is headed by "Little David," the father, who survived a snake bite, car crash and water skiing accident through the power of prayer and the first aid kit stored in his wife's beehive.

Black Sabbath
Born Again

This one you'll definitely want to bottle feed.

Crying Demons

Despite the crazy-eyed fellow on the front, this album claims to feature the recordings of demons speaking through the people they possess.

Butch Yelton and Upbound
Swing that Gospel Axe

Cheesy looking gospel bands of the seventies mean business! Butch Yelton has upgraded from his Gospel Hand Saw to a full sized Axe.

Carl Preacher
Just Jesus and Me

Actually Carl, I believe your 'fro counts as a whole other entity in this case.

Ozzy Osbourne
Speak of the Devil

Before I saw this cover, I'd actual forgotten that Ozzy wasn't always a pants-wettin' old codger.

The Braillettes
Our Hearts Keep Singing, 1968

I once was blind...I still can't see. The group consisted of three women (Maggie Liebnitz, Jackie Overalls, and Kay Smith), two of whom (Jackie and Kay) were blind.

Sing With The Four Roses Society

See what happens when you drink at funerals?

The Faith Tones - Jesus Use Me

Gotta Love the hairstyles and the title. And it's nice to see a young Stephen Fry in drag.

Also see:

Extra Cheese

Fashion Victims

Naughty and Bawdy

That's Disgusting!

Weird Wonders

That's Disgusting!

poetwarrior — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:25:59 CDT

Another beauty from
www.blackgemrecords.com

JOHNNY HOUSTON
Makin' Bacon

Two pigs "porking". I really can't think of anything else to say.

Check out Black Gem Records at www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS of rare vinyl records!

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Tiny Lynn
Little Lehman's Half-Fast Songs

I'm amazed this one doesn't show up on more "Awful album cover" blogs. I can't even locate any reference to it on the internet! It's gotta be pretty rare. Yeah, hard to believe this thing wasn't picked up by a major label and then go double-platinum. Guess that makes you one of the lucky few to see it and suffer permanent psychological damage as a result.

Check out Black Gem Records at www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS more funny album covers!

Since when are toilets and boogers considered marketing agents? Since these artists opted to promote their albums with gag-inducing images. Altogether: Ewww!

Have your own album abomination to share? Click EasyEdit to add it here.

Guns n' Roses
The Spaghetti Incident?, 1997

Seriously, is there anything nastier than canned spaghetti? Ditto for this poorly packaged collection of cover songs. No offense, Axl "Chef Boyardee" Rose, but pre-sauced, shelf-stable pasta is incapable of achieving an edible state. Kinda like how your current band lacks the zesty flavor of the Appetite for Destruction days.

Millie Jackson
Back to the S_ _t, 1990

Thanks but no thanks, Ms. Jackson, for sharing one of life's most intimate moments. While we appreciate your need to answer nature's call—not to mention your classy taste in panties—nobody wants to witness this undignified pose and that strained expression. Curiously, the comedic R&B singer turns modest with her album's title. Hmmm, what could "S_ _ t" possibly mean? Pass the bran flakes.

The Black Crowes
Amorica, 1994

In theory, an artful combo of three all-American ingredients — namely, sex, patriotism, and rock 'n' roll — should equal a kick-ass cover. As seen on the Rolling Stones' Sticky Fingers, the crotch shot can be a classic accoutrement to a legendary album. But regarding this Black Crowes bikini bottom, Wal-Mart, for once, had a point when it deemed these short-and-curlies too nasty for mass consumption.

The Beatles
Yesterday and Today, 1966

John, Paul, George, and Ringo were plenty pissed when Capitol Records slapped together this album of songs from previously released records. So in protest of the label's "butchering," they posed for the cover splashed with blood and holding doll parts. Retailers revolted, and a revised cover, featuring the Fab Four among innocuous luggage, was rushed onto shelves. About the only people who prefer the grisly butcher version are collectors, who covet the rare cover. -Shame this is just the "urban legend" reason for the picture. The picture was not a protest, but an art piece, and The Beatles had NOTHING to do with it's conception. But that doesn't make it any prettier.

Fleetwood Mac
Rumours, 1977

Sure, it's one of the best-selling albums of all time. But consider how much more popular Rumours would have been without those distracting balls dangling from Mick Fleetwood's ding-dong.

Blue Oyster Cult
Heaven Forbid, 1998

If only this poor chap knew the power of good lighting, his date would be sighing not screaming. Alas, a naked bulb gets you nowhere with the ladies.

Soul Asylum
Clam Dip and Other Delights, 1988

Oh, those kooky alt-rockers! This Soul Asylum cover parodies an old-school Herb Alpert album called Whipped Cream and Other Delights, right down to the shagadelic lettering. Blame the late bassist Karl Mueller if you find a hair on your canapé.

Scatterbrain
Scamboogery, 1991

Because nothing makes an album fly from stores like cartoons picking their noses … We count eight characters on the cover digging for green gold. (If only that many people bought the record.)

Andrew W.K.
I Get Wet, 2002

Actually, Andrew, you get bloody. And we get nauseous.

Metallica
Load, 1996

It may look like flames, but look closer.

Herbie Mann
Push Push

Nothing says lovin' like acres of sweaty, hairy chest. And a flute carelessly tossed over the shoulder.

The Handsome Beasts
04

Erotic nuns and a fat naked men are not a good mix.

Meat Sh*ts
Give Hate a Chance

Finally, an album cover the whole family can enjoy...

Butthole Surfers
Electriclarryland

The Butthole Surfers answer the burning question "What would happen if I stuck a pencil in my ear until it stops?" Thanks Surfers for your public service, and providing an image that will burn in my memory until the end of time.

Handsome Beasts
Beastiality

Another fine entry from the Handsome Beasts. Does this man ever wear clothes?

Anthrax
Fistful of Metal, 1984

The first release from this New York neo-metal band makes it clear that there are worse things than braces to have in your mouth.

Attila
Attila, 1970

After playing in The Lost Souls and The Hassles, Attila was the last band Billy Joel recorded with before going solo. A critical and commercial disaster, this recording lost him his recording contract and he went into a deep depression before eventually starting his solo career with 'Cold Spring Harbor' (1971).

The Mothers of Invention
Weasels Ripped My Flesh (1970)

No one quite was as "sick and twisted" as Frank Zappa. His Mothers of Invention album cover concept pre-dated the PMRC...and probably inspired them to form as well. It also inspired many (such as the aforementioned Butthole Surfers cover) to try to out-do the Mothers for sheer gross-out value. Nothing quite says, "Let's stick it to the squares" quite like having some straight-laced businessman shredding his face with a rabid rodent.

Think you can do better? Feel free to add albums to this page!

Edit the comments for more comic appeal by choosing EasyEdit at the bottom of the page.
Don't have any vinyl in your collection? Finding album covers online is easy.

Also see:

Extra Cheese

Fashion Victims

Naughty and Bawdy

Religious Sinners

Weird Wonders

Fashion Victims

MiloTemesvar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:59:23 CDT

To quote a friend, "I think my head just exploded."
Another beauty from
www.blackgemrecords.com

Jeff Kutash & Dancin' Machine

Self-titled

Disco may be dead, but these guys put it in a coma first.

Check out www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS
of great album covers!

'

Another beauty from
www.blackgemrecords.com

E.T

Best Friends

Holy crap, E.T., phone the fashion police! Rumor has it that Steven Speilberg considered using this guy instead of the lovable alien after dropping acid.

Check out www.blackgemrecords.com for THOUSANDS of bizarre LP covers!

when hair and clothing overpowers the artist, you have a
problem. Add your own fashion and hair disaster album covers.

Eartha Kit
I'm Still Here, 1989

Help! Eartha is being attacked by a renegade mink!

well we all know what eartha kitt ryhmes with

Michael Bolton
Michael Bolton, 1990

Like we'd compile a worst-of list without including Michael Bolton …

is it bryan may or is justin hawkins someone out there has the answer

Joyce
Joyce

Though she never achieved widespread fame or acclaim as a singer, the lovely and talented Joyce has shot to superstardom as the bad-album-cover world's reigning diva. She's a staple of worst lists (check out Pork Tornado's) and, word on the street, an animal in the sack.

Nigel Kennedy
Greatest Hits, 2002

This one time at band camp, there was this amazing violin player who just couldn't reconcile his obsession with being cool with the fact that his instrument symbolized tradition, cultured society, and hours of dutiful practice. So in a fit of faux rebellion, he spiked his hair, smeared war paint on his cheeks, and pretended to eat his violin.

Manowar
Into Glory Ride, 1983

Yes, Manowar makes an easy target — fur loincloths and furrier manscapes guarantee that — but this heavy-metal group seems unapologetic about its awful image. And with good reason. Though no music fan alive can actually name a Manowar song, the decades-old hair band immediately springs to the lips of anyone asked to suggest an ugly album cover. The only thing worse than not being talked about...

Doug Stevens and the Outband
When Love Is Right, 1995

Rare is the country musician who comes out of the closet. Even rarer is the gay guy who sports a mullet without irony.

The Hazies
Vinnie Smokin' in the Big Room, 1996

Those who've actually heard the Hazies perform (all eight of them) rave about the rock band's catchy tunes and terrific stage show. And why hasn't this supposedly supergroup attracted an audience? Maybe the bearded guy in a Carol Channing wig might explain it. Just a thought.

Cher
Take Me Home, 1979

Do I have to? What are your plans for those horns? I am scared.

Pat Boone
In A Metal Mood - No More Mr. Nice Guy, 1997

Not only was this album a sin against music, but getting a glimpse of Pat Boone's leathery chest was added punishment.

Rolling Stones
Dirty Work, 1986

In a desperate attempt to "get with the times," the Rolling Stones apparently raided the extras' wardrobe on Miami Vice.

Vanilla Ice
Cool As Ice - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, 1991

It looks like a Crayola box threw up on his pants.

Roxette
Have a Nice Day, 1999

Is there any '80s cliché not included on this Swedish pop group's album? Angular blocks of neon color, check. Contrived expression of rebellion, check. Annie Lennox hairdo, check. Only one problem: This record was produced in the late '90s.

Menudo
Reaching Out, 1984

Muscle shirts AND headbands AND man perms! Need I say more?

The Undertones
All Wrapped Up

Yep! That's an all meat dress folks!

Village People
Renaissance

Apparently, someone decided that the Village People, somehow, just weren't nearly gay enough.

Michael Bolotin
The Artistry of Michael Bolotin, 1993

Apparently, his artistry is tied up into large sunglasses and a flowing man mullet.

Devastatin' Dave The Turntable Slave
Zip, Zap Rap

Is it a creative choice or unfortunate mistake that the bright pink "zap" is right over his crotch?

Tori Amos
Y Kant Tori Read

And why can't she dress? Or leave home without a pirate sword?

Prince
Prince

It was a disaster. Prince was stepping out of the shower when he realized that the photo shoot was at 10:00, not 10:30! It's a wonder he got there on time at all! And that more people weren't concerned about the tiny naked man running down the street.

just let your soul glo just let it shine through just let your sooooullll glo...soul glo

Motley Crue
Shout at the Devil

If the bills for the Crue's booze on tour could be rivaled by anything, it was the bill for AquaNet/

Furr

The boys from Furr want you to know they're here to save the day!!

Tommy Seebach
Disco Tango

Some may say that Tommy's hair was to blame for low album sales. Other say is was his ear-bleeding combination of Disco and Tango. However, the real culprit was the guinea pig attached to his head.

ManOWar
Anthology

Loin cloths and oiled chests are never a good idea. And fake stone mallets are even worse.

Fabio
Fabio After Dark

Since this album is after dark, wouldn't it be nice if the picture had been taken in the dark?

El Vez
G.I. Ay, Ay! Blues

Just look at him.

Full Force
All Cried Out

Yes, Full Force is indeed all cried out...and all out of jeri-curl activator.

Mike Terry
Live at the Pavilion Theatre,Glasgow

Poor old Mike must've thought he was shopping
for his grandma.

How sweet!

or she already knew his career was about to
tinkle the piano keys of disaster.

like a poundland liberace

He looks like L. Ron Hubbard in drag.

.

Think you can do better? Feel free to add albums to this page!
Edit the comments for more comic appeal by choosing EasyEdit at the bottom of the page.
Don't have any vinyl in your collection? Finding album covers online is easy.

Also see:

Extra Cheese

Naughty and Bawdy

Religious Sinners

That's Disgusting!

Weird Wonders

Worst Album Covers

bluebirdandsing — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:23:59 CDT

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Welcome to the Worst Album Covers of All Time!

Not all album covers are created equal and this site is dedicated to the pursuit of the absolute worst — the nastiest, the funniest, and the wackiest — album art of all time.

On this site you can:

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	Add covers to any of these categories!
Herb Alpert Tributes

Wow..., just wow...

SSully — Fri, 30 May 2008 19:38:55 CDT

Wow, Just freakin wow... I don't care what the hell these guys sound like.... They Rock!!

More Thrills And spills

Rogue*Nation — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:48:13 CST

The Murk Family
Love for All Seasons

Did Joseph just do a technicolour yawn
all over their new dresses?

If so,I bet they never sold any records.

Lesbian Concentrate
A Lesbianthology of Songs And Poems

If all the lesbians had a drink,would this be the no.1 choice?

Geraldine
Don't Fight The Feeling

Don't worry Geraldine,that's why we have Oprah when she regains
all that weight she lost 8 years ago.

Tropical Tragedies

Rogue*Nation — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:15:17 CST

The Wakiki's
Hawaii Tattoo

That keyboard looks a little bit too low.

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Rogue*Nation — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:04:26 CST

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The Categories

Caption Contest Rules

wetpaint — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:28:05 CDT

Worst Album Covers Weekly Caption Contest Rules

Our caption contest honors the quirkiest quips of the week. Click here to see this week's contest album cover.

You must become a registered user to be eligible for the contest.
Keep your comments funny...but clean. Innuendo is okay but outright profanity is forbidden.
Entries will be judged for their comic appeal, as well as their relevance to the album cover.
All caption entries should be posted on the Caption Contest Page by Friday at midnight, EST. The winner be announced the following Monday.

Caption Contest Prize

Contest album covers will be posted for one week, and at the end of the contest period the winner will be determined.
The winner will receive a new CD from Amazon.com.
The winner's comment will appear in our Caption Contest archives, and on the most relevant theme page.

Any questions, comments or suggestions should be directed to the Worst Album Covers Moderator at: courtney.writes@gmail.com.