Sign in or 
Weird Wonders |
Version 11 - view current page
File these curious covers under "What Were They Thinking?" and "Uh, We Don't Get It."
Seen any covers that made you go, "Huh?" Add your own perplexing pix to this page by clicking the EasyEdit button.
Kevin Rowland
My Beauty, 1999
From the singer who pleaded "Come on Eileen" comes the woefully mistitled My Beauty. The former Dexys Midnight Runners frontman explains his inspiration in the liner notes: "These songs started to penetrate my frightened world. They reawakened something I'd only fleetingly sensed before… it was beauty… my beauty." Uh, Kev, put down your skirt. That ain't pretty.
Wild Colonials
This Can't Be Life, 1996
No hard and fast criteria exist for how to guarantee a truly awful album cover. Except one: Anthropomorphic root vegetables, especially playing the accordion, will win a place on the worst list every time. Bonus points to these indie popsters for, no joke, depicting a parsnip jumping rope on the reverse.
John Bult
Julie's Sixteenth Birthday
Another hard-to-find classic of bad-album aficionados (find it and more worst wonders at Pork Tornado), Julie's Sixteenth Birthday has Netizens buzzing about the uncomfortable relationship it depicts. Just us, or is booze-and-nicotine-addicted, wedding-band-wearing Creepy Mountain Man intent on celebrating Julie's sweet 16 back at his place?
Poison
Open Up and Say... Ahh!, 1988
There are two versions of the Open Up and Say... Ahh! cover: the original, shown here, and the more-common edited edition, which blacks out all but the model's feline eyes. Word is this less-than-bashful lass, with her savage hair and face paint, pierced nostril, and perversely pointy tongue, made Reagan-era retailers a bit jittery. Almost 20 years later, we're still appalled.
Def Leppard
On Through the Night, 1990
Because when we think trucking industry, those fine folks who transport goods across this grand nation of highways, we think English heavy metal. Not. OK, the big guitar makes sense for these hard-rocking axe masters, but why the 18-wheeler? And why in outer space? Too many questions.
Eleven
Thunk, 1995
This album was created: a) to teach children about gravity; b) to promote a comedy troupe; c) as the fourth full-length from an acclaimed L.A. hard-rock trio. Trivia: Drummer Jack Irons left Eleven in 1994 to join Pearl Jam. Don't have to be Isaac Newton to know that was the right move.
Kruder and Dorfmeister
G-Stoned, 1995
Austrian masters of the remix ape Simon and Garfunkel's iconic Bookends cover. What, you expected two remixers to think up something original?
Peter Mathers
Sundance: A Rhumba Flamenco Fantasy, 2000
Classical guitarist Peter Mathers turns his talents to two genres of Latin music that epitomize soulful passion. And for the album cover, he wears a dorky hat and strikes a pose devoid of any emotion. Grab a cerveza, amigo, and loosen up!
Hanson
Snowed In, 1997
Maybe the eggnog was spiked, but this Christmas-album cover from the brothers Hanson is so blurry we're about to spew fruitcake into a snowbank. And in the spirit of the season, boys, could you at least feign less-than-glum faces?
Martha Stewart Living
Spooky Scary Sounds for Halloween, 2000
What better way to counter stories that you're an overbearing, mean-spirited witch than to pose for an album of cackles and moans wearing blood-red contact lenses? Inflicting this creepy photo on the public is a greater crime than any insider-trading cover-up.
The Cranberries
Bury the Hatchet, 1999
When the hipper-than-thou music geeks at the e-zine Pitchfork assembled a list of terrible album covers, this pretentious Cranberries number led the pack. Artist Storm Thorgerson, famous for his Pink Floyd designs, depicts a naked man (which earned the album an "explicit cover" designation) in the desert beneath a giant floating eyeball. As Pitchfork summarizes: "inane." At least the artwork succeeds in conveying that Dolores O'Riordan and Co. are taking themselves way too seriously.
Ultimate Spinach
The Box, 2001
Poor cousins to psychedelic '60s stars like Jefferson Airplane and the Doors, Ultimate Spinach was a Boston band that had faded into the ether until this 2001 box set appeared like a bad flashback. Obviously, that carnivorous shark would prefer to be eating a hippie musician.
Aphex Twin
Windowlicker, 1999
Though technically not an album cover, the package of Aphex Twin's single "Windowlicker" did, however, leave a big impression. Not a good impression, but a big impression nonetheless. How odd that Richard D. James coyly records his cutting-edge techno under a pseudonym, but willingly reveals his face, in this case grafted atop a buxom lass.
Jonah Jones
I Dig Chicks!, 1958
By using a backhoe to lift a bunch of shapely gals, the trumpet virtuoso is literally digging chicks. But between friends, the aggressive use of construction equipment (to say nothing of the photo's flamboyant campiness) makes us question the title’s veracity.
Ferrante and Teicher
Killing Me Softly, 1973
"I love this album," a friend says of her thrift-store treasure, "but the cover creeps me out." And why would Ferrante and Teicher, an easy-listening piano duo that peaked during the lounge era, bedeck this album with a tearful girl and big blue eyes that follow you around the room, instead of their own photo? Ahhh, you've never seen Ferrante and Teicher.
The Jimmy Castor Bunch
The Everything Man, 1995
Minutes later, Wilma Flintstone called the cops to break up the party. Just as Fred murmured, "Mmm, mmm, baby got back."
Kiss
Crazy Nights, 1990
Marking the exact moment when millions of Kiss fans screamed in unison, "Put your makeup back on!"
Nellie McKay
Get Away from Me, 2004
Talk about mixed messages. On the one hand, the title of this nouveau cabaret singer's album implores us to skedaddle. One the other, she's hooting and hollerin' like a moron begging for attention. In fact, this cover is so disturbing that distributors slapped it with a Parental Advisory label ... for lameness.
Limp Bizkit
Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, 2000
The title is actually made of two rather nasty euphamisms for cetain parts of the anatomy. But apparently, they needed a cover to represent the title? I don't know whether the sickly aliens or the dozens of hot dogs gross me out more.
Crosby, Stills and Nash
Live it Up, 1990
Continuing with the hot dog theme, Crosby, Stills and Nash "Live it Up"....with a wienie roast on the moon? After years of cocaine abuse, apparently the boys need to go this far to have a good time while sober.
Sunshine Bus
Voyage into Magic Feeling Sense,
I imagine little Joanie received quite a bit of money for creating this very special cover for her daddy's band's album.
See also
Seen any covers that made you go, "Huh?" Add your own perplexing pix to this page by clicking the EasyEdit button.
Kevin RowlandMy Beauty, 1999
From the singer who pleaded "Come on Eileen" comes the woefully mistitled My Beauty. The former Dexys Midnight Runners frontman explains his inspiration in the liner notes: "These songs started to penetrate my frightened world. They reawakened something I'd only fleetingly sensed before… it was beauty… my beauty." Uh, Kev, put down your skirt. That ain't pretty.
Wild Colonials
This Can't Be Life, 1996
No hard and fast criteria exist for how to guarantee a truly awful album cover. Except one: Anthropomorphic root vegetables, especially playing the accordion, will win a place on the worst list every time. Bonus points to these indie popsters for, no joke, depicting a parsnip jumping rope on the reverse.
John BultJulie's Sixteenth Birthday
Another hard-to-find classic of bad-album aficionados (find it and more worst wonders at Pork Tornado), Julie's Sixteenth Birthday has Netizens buzzing about the uncomfortable relationship it depicts. Just us, or is booze-and-nicotine-addicted, wedding-band-wearing Creepy Mountain Man intent on celebrating Julie's sweet 16 back at his place?
Poison
Open Up and Say... Ahh!, 1988
There are two versions of the Open Up and Say... Ahh! cover: the original, shown here, and the more-common edited edition, which blacks out all but the model's feline eyes. Word is this less-than-bashful lass, with her savage hair and face paint, pierced nostril, and perversely pointy tongue, made Reagan-era retailers a bit jittery. Almost 20 years later, we're still appalled.
Def LeppardOn Through the Night, 1990
Because when we think trucking industry, those fine folks who transport goods across this grand nation of highways, we think English heavy metal. Not. OK, the big guitar makes sense for these hard-rocking axe masters, but why the 18-wheeler? And why in outer space? Too many questions.
Eleven
Thunk, 1995
This album was created: a) to teach children about gravity; b) to promote a comedy troupe; c) as the fourth full-length from an acclaimed L.A. hard-rock trio. Trivia: Drummer Jack Irons left Eleven in 1994 to join Pearl Jam. Don't have to be Isaac Newton to know that was the right move.
Kruder and DorfmeisterG-Stoned, 1995
Austrian masters of the remix ape Simon and Garfunkel's iconic Bookends cover. What, you expected two remixers to think up something original?
Peter MathersSundance: A Rhumba Flamenco Fantasy, 2000
Classical guitarist Peter Mathers turns his talents to two genres of Latin music that epitomize soulful passion. And for the album cover, he wears a dorky hat and strikes a pose devoid of any emotion. Grab a cerveza, amigo, and loosen up!
HansonSnowed In, 1997
Maybe the eggnog was spiked, but this Christmas-album cover from the brothers Hanson is so blurry we're about to spew fruitcake into a snowbank. And in the spirit of the season, boys, could you at least feign less-than-glum faces?
Martha Stewart Living
Spooky Scary Sounds for Halloween, 2000
What better way to counter stories that you're an overbearing, mean-spirited witch than to pose for an album of cackles and moans wearing blood-red contact lenses? Inflicting this creepy photo on the public is a greater crime than any insider-trading cover-up.
The CranberriesBury the Hatchet, 1999
When the hipper-than-thou music geeks at the e-zine Pitchfork assembled a list of terrible album covers, this pretentious Cranberries number led the pack. Artist Storm Thorgerson, famous for his Pink Floyd designs, depicts a naked man (which earned the album an "explicit cover" designation) in the desert beneath a giant floating eyeball. As Pitchfork summarizes: "inane." At least the artwork succeeds in conveying that Dolores O'Riordan and Co. are taking themselves way too seriously.
Ultimate Spinach
The Box, 2001
Poor cousins to psychedelic '60s stars like Jefferson Airplane and the Doors, Ultimate Spinach was a Boston band that had faded into the ether until this 2001 box set appeared like a bad flashback. Obviously, that carnivorous shark would prefer to be eating a hippie musician.
Aphex TwinWindowlicker, 1999
Though technically not an album cover, the package of Aphex Twin's single "Windowlicker" did, however, leave a big impression. Not a good impression, but a big impression nonetheless. How odd that Richard D. James coyly records his cutting-edge techno under a pseudonym, but willingly reveals his face, in this case grafted atop a buxom lass.
Jonah Jones
I Dig Chicks!, 1958
By using a backhoe to lift a bunch of shapely gals, the trumpet virtuoso is literally digging chicks. But between friends, the aggressive use of construction equipment (to say nothing of the photo's flamboyant campiness) makes us question the title’s veracity.
Ferrante and TeicherKilling Me Softly, 1973
"I love this album," a friend says of her thrift-store treasure, "but the cover creeps me out." And why would Ferrante and Teicher, an easy-listening piano duo that peaked during the lounge era, bedeck this album with a tearful girl and big blue eyes that follow you around the room, instead of their own photo? Ahhh, you've never seen Ferrante and Teicher.
The Jimmy Castor Bunch
The Everything Man, 1995
Minutes later, Wilma Flintstone called the cops to break up the party. Just as Fred murmured, "Mmm, mmm, baby got back."
KissCrazy Nights, 1990
Marking the exact moment when millions of Kiss fans screamed in unison, "Put your makeup back on!"
Nellie McKayGet Away from Me, 2004
Talk about mixed messages. On the one hand, the title of this nouveau cabaret singer's album implores us to skedaddle. One the other, she's hooting and hollerin' like a moron begging for attention. In fact, this cover is so disturbing that distributors slapped it with a Parental Advisory label ... for lameness.
Limp BizkitChocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water, 2000
The title is actually made of two rather nasty euphamisms for cetain parts of the anatomy. But apparently, they needed a cover to represent the title? I don't know whether the sickly aliens or the dozens of hot dogs gross me out more.
Crosby, Stills and NashLive it Up, 1990
Continuing with the hot dog theme, Crosby, Stills and Nash "Live it Up"....with a wienie roast on the moon? After years of cocaine abuse, apparently the boys need to go this far to have a good time while sober.
Sunshine BusVoyage into Magic Feeling Sense,
I imagine little Joanie received quite a bit of money for creating this very special cover for her daddy's band's album.
See also
- Extra Cheese
- Finding Bad Album Covers Is Easy
- Hair Horrors
- Random Acts of Ugliness
- Religious Sinners
- Sex Crimes
- That's Disgusting
