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JOHNNY HOUSTON
Makin' Bacon


Two pigs "porking". I really can't think of anything else to say.





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Another beauty from
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Tiny Lynn
Little Lehman's Half-Fast Songs


I'm amazed this one doesn't show up on more "Awful album cover" blogs. I can't even locate any reference to it on the internet! It's gotta be pretty rare. Yeah, hard to believe this thing wasn't picked up by a major label and then go double-platinum. Guess that makes you one of the lucky few to see it and suffer permanent psychological damage as a result.



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Since when are toilets and boogers considered marketing agents? Since these artists opted to promote their albums with gag-inducing images. Altogether: Ewww!

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Guns n' Roses
The Spaghetti Incident?, 1997

Seriously, is there anything nastier than canned spaghetti? Ditto for this poorly packaged collection of cover songs. No offense, Axl "Chef Boyardee" Rose, but pre-sauced, shelf-stable pasta is incapable of achieving an edible state. Kinda like how your current band lacks the zesty flavor of the Appetite for Destruction days.




Millie Jackson
Back to the S_ _t, 1990

Thanks but no thanks, Ms. Jackson, for sharing one of life's most intimate moments. While we appreciate your need to answer nature's call—not to mention your classy taste in panties—nobody wants to witness this undignified pose and that strained expression. Curiously, the comedic R&B singer turns modest with her album's title. Hmmm, what could "S_ _ t" possibly mean? Pass the bran flakes.



The Black Crowes
Amorica, 1994

In theory, an artful combo of three all-American ingredients — namely, sex, patriotism, and rock 'n' roll — should equal a kick-ass cover. As seen on the Rolling Stones' Sticky Fingers, the crotch shot can be a classic accoutrement to a legendary album. But regarding this Black Crowes bikini bottom, Wal-Mart, for once, had a point when it deemed these short-and-curlies too nasty for mass consumption.



The Beatles
Yesterday and Today, 1966

John, Paul, George, and Ringo were plenty pissed when Capitol Records slapped together this album of songs from previously released records. So in protest of the label's "butchering," they posed for the cover splashed with blood and holding doll parts. Retailers revolted, and a revised cover, featuring the Fab Four among innocuous luggage, was rushed onto shelves. About the only people who prefer the grisly butcher version are collectors, who covet the rare cover. -Shame this is just the "urban legend" reason for the picture. The picture was not a protest, but an art piece, and The Beatles had NOTHING to do with it's conception. But that doesn't make it any prettier.


Fleetwood Mac
Rumours, 1977

Sure, it's one of the best-selling albums of all time. But consider how much more popular Rumours would have been without those distracting balls dangling from Mick Fleetwood's ding-dong.








Blue Oyster Cult
Heaven Forbid, 1998

If only this poor chap knew the power of good lighting, his date would be sighing not screaming. Alas, a naked bulb gets you nowhere with the ladies.




Soul Asylum
Clam Dip and Other Delights, 1988

Oh, those kooky alt-rockers! This Soul Asylum cover parodies an old-school Herb Alpert album called Whipped Cream and Other Delights, right down to the shagadelic lettering. Blame the late bassist Karl Mueller if you find a hair on your canapé.









Scatterbrain
Scamboogery, 1991

Because nothing makes an album fly from stores like cartoons picking their noses … We count eight characters on the cover digging for green gold. (If only that many people bought the record.)








Andrew W.K.
I Get Wet, 2002

Actually, Andrew, you get bloody. And we get nauseous.





Metallica
Load, 1996

It may look like flames, but look closer.












Herbie Mann
Push Push

Nothing says lovin' like acres of sweaty, hairy chest. And a flute carelessly tossed over the shoulder.





The Handsome Beasts
04

Erotic nuns and a fat naked men are not a good mix.

Butthole Surfers
Electriclarryland

The Butthole Surfers answer the burning question "What would happen if I stuck a pencil in my ear until it stops?" Thanks Surfers for your public service, and providing an image that will burn in my memory until the end of time.







Handsome Beasts
Beastiality


Another fine entry from the Handsome Beasts. Does this man ever wear clothes?







Anthrax
Fistful of Metal, 1984

The first release from this New York neo-metal band makes it clear that there are worse things than braces to have in your mouth.








Attila
Attila, 1970

After playing in The Lost Souls and The Hassles, Attila was the last band Billy Joel recorded with before going solo. A critical and commercial disaster, this recording lost him his recording contract and he went into a deep depression before eventually starting his solo career with 'Cold Spring Harbor' (1971).

The Mothers of Invention Weasels Ripped My Flesh (1970) No one quite was as "sick and twisted" as Frank Zappa. His Mothers of Invention album cover concept pre-dated the PMRC...and probably inspired them to form as well. It also inspired many (such as the aforementioned Butthole Surfers cover) to try to out-do the Mothers for sheer gross-out value. Nothing quite says, "Let's stick it to the squares" quite like having some straight-laced businessman shredding his face with a rabid rodent.

Also see:

Extra Cheese

Fashion Victims

Naughty and Bawdy

Religious Sinners

Weird Wonders