Trying too hard is the kiss of death when attempting to be alluring. Want proof? Dig these record covers with what are supposedly sexy poses and situations.

Have any criminally unsexy album covers to share? Click EasyEdit and add them to the page.



This may be the WORST unsexy album of all time. I dare you to find one worse!!! - the urban ninja
















Bitchslap Breaks
So i think this is music for people who breakdance....I don't get it














Christina Aguilera
Stripped, 2002

Tough to make rival Britney Spears look like the classy one, but Christina Bad-hair-a accepts the challenge. Um, you're the one who can actually sing; no need to be the skeevy one, too.










Tino
Por Primera Vez

The title translates as "for the first time," and given young Tino's wedding ring and come-hither look, it's apparent what first time he means. But when a groom slips into a skin-tight polo and denim short-shorts on his wedding night, the bride's in for an interesting marriage. (Shout-out to the wonderful worst-of list at Pork Tornado.)













Prince
Lovesexy, 1990

The androgynous genius who has rocked cheek-less pants, high-heel booties, and more purple than a vineyard decides to pose au naturel. Suddenly, we're nostalgic for cheek-less pants.










H.W.A.
Az Much Ass Azz U Want, 1994

Slutty and proud, '90s trio Hoez With Attitude, update the classic girl group for a new generation. Just like the Supremes, H.W.A. members coordinate their outfits and dance moves. Of course, Diana Ross didn't leave the stage with dollar bills stuffed in her thong.







Moist
Silver, 1994

Fist or camel toe? Or some frightful combination thereof? Must ... look... away.











Johnny Pate
Shaft in Africa Soundtrack, 1973

Not content just to erase decades of civil-rights progress, this soundtrack cover further insults by suggesting that music fans haven't fully grasped the title. Oh, you mean, Shaft? As in big phallus jutting out from a man's crotch? Gotcha.







Tom Jones
The Best of Tom Jones, 1998

There comes a time in every man's life, Tom, when he should keep his shirt buttoned up. Proably a good idea to go easier on the baby oil, too.





Trina
Da Baddest Bitch, 2000

A rapper so skanky she makes L'il Kim look like a nun, Trina wins plaudits for this modest (for her) paramedic's ensemble. But we take offense to her defibrillator use. First, if she's so bad, why is she trying to revive this guy? Second, if living means listening to Trina's music, he'd surely prefer to die.










Luke
In the Nude, 1993

Hey Luke! You're not nude if you have a hat on!






Boned

Up at the Crack, 2004

I've always heard that a guitars were phallic symbols, but this really puts a "face" on the metaphor.











Swamp Dogg
If I Ever Kiss it...He Can Kiss it Goodbye!

This is straight from the artist's site...no foolin!

"After years of singing about crooked politicians, world peace, hunger, homelessness, Viet Nam war, etc., Swamp Dogg decided after 9/11, that it was time to lighten up and give people a chance to re-assess their lives and re-prioritize. This is an album of songs and music for dancing and making love only. It does not have any social redeeming qualities, nor does it provoke thought. This is all about shaking your ass and giving up the ass, the adult way."

So...while millions of Americans wanted to hear music about hope and inspiration post 9-11, Swap Dogg thought what we really needed as a nation was a bump and grind album? Classy!


Shock Your Mama, 1992

"What Madonna promises Debbie delivers with Shock Your Mama."

This is the original blurb on the back of this album. My eighth-grade prayers have been answered.

(mixelplik)