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Hair Horrors |
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Piled high or plastered down, hair is the medium of choice for many awful-album artists. (We're looking at you, Michael Bolton.) Grab a comb — make that a hot-comb — and check out these hairy situations.
Have your own hirsute horrors that make you want to ingest your cat's hairball medicine? Click EasyEdit and add them to the litter!
Michael Bolton
Michael Bolton, 1990
Like we'd compile a worst-of list without including Michael Bolton …
Joyce
Joyce
Though she never achieved widespread fame or acclaim as a singer, the lovely and talented Joyce has shot to superstardom as the bad-album-cover world's reigning diva. She's a staple of worst lists (check out Pork Tornado's) and, word on the street, an animal in the sack.
Nigel Kennedy
Greatest Hits, 2002
This one time at band camp, there was this amazing violin player who just couldn't reconcile his obsession with being cool with the fact that his instrument symbolized tradition, cultured society, and hours of dutiful practice. So in a fit of faux rebellion, he spiked his hair, smeared war paint on his cheeks, and pretended to eat his violin.
Manowar
Into Glory Ride, 1983
Yes, Manowar makes an easy target — fur loincloths and furrier manscapes guarantee that — but this heavy-metal group seems unapologetic about its awful image. And with good reason. Though no music fan alive can actually name a Manowar song, the decades-old hair band immediately springs to the lips of anyone asked to suggest an ugly album cover. The only thing worse than not being talked about...
Doug Stevens and the Outband
When Love Is Right, 1995
Rare is the country musician who comes out of the closet. Even rarer is the gay guy who sports a mullet without irony.
Roxette
Have a Nice Day, 1999
Is there any '80s cliché not included on this Swedish pop group's album? Angular blocks of neon color, check. Contrived expression of rebellion, check. Annie Lennox hairdo, check. Only one problem: This record was produced in the late '90s.
The Hazies
Vinnie Smokin' in the Big Room, 1996
Those who've actually heard the Hazies perform (all eight of them) rave about the rock band's catchy tunes and terrific stage show. And why hasn't this supposedly supergroup attracted an audience? Maybe the bearded guy in a Carol Channing wig might explain it. Just a thought.
Cher
Take Me Home, 1979
Do I have to? What are your plans for those horns? I am scared.
See also
Have your own hirsute horrors that make you want to ingest your cat's hairball medicine? Click EasyEdit and add them to the litter!
Michael BoltonMichael Bolton, 1990
Like we'd compile a worst-of list without including Michael Bolton …
JoyceJoyce
Though she never achieved widespread fame or acclaim as a singer, the lovely and talented Joyce has shot to superstardom as the bad-album-cover world's reigning diva. She's a staple of worst lists (check out Pork Tornado's) and, word on the street, an animal in the sack.
Nigel KennedyGreatest Hits, 2002
This one time at band camp, there was this amazing violin player who just couldn't reconcile his obsession with being cool with the fact that his instrument symbolized tradition, cultured society, and hours of dutiful practice. So in a fit of faux rebellion, he spiked his hair, smeared war paint on his cheeks, and pretended to eat his violin.
Manowar
Into Glory Ride, 1983
Yes, Manowar makes an easy target — fur loincloths and furrier manscapes guarantee that — but this heavy-metal group seems unapologetic about its awful image. And with good reason. Though no music fan alive can actually name a Manowar song, the decades-old hair band immediately springs to the lips of anyone asked to suggest an ugly album cover. The only thing worse than not being talked about...
Doug Stevens and the Outband
When Love Is Right, 1995
Rare is the country musician who comes out of the closet. Even rarer is the gay guy who sports a mullet without irony.
RoxetteHave a Nice Day, 1999
Is there any '80s cliché not included on this Swedish pop group's album? Angular blocks of neon color, check. Contrived expression of rebellion, check. Annie Lennox hairdo, check. Only one problem: This record was produced in the late '90s.
The Hazies
Vinnie Smokin' in the Big Room, 1996
Those who've actually heard the Hazies perform (all eight of them) rave about the rock band's catchy tunes and terrific stage show. And why hasn't this supposedly supergroup attracted an audience? Maybe the bearded guy in a Carol Channing wig might explain it. Just a thought.
CherTake Me Home, 1979
Do I have to? What are your plans for those horns? I am scared.
See also
