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Warning to the lactose-intolerant: The following album covers are loaded with cheese, in many cases very stinky varieties.

Got any album covers in your collection that make you run for the Lactaid every time? Click the EasyEdit button and add them to the page!


Now that they've moved out of their parents basement, nobody can tell them not to wear makeup at the dinner table.












Two things come to mind, da super fans, and polish sausage.



CHA CHA CHA? CRAP CRAP CRAP!





















This is Kenny Loggins and the mystical orb. Say hello orb. Man, Kenny Loggins is now "orbalicious" in my book!



















Dude, i dont really listen to clarinet music, but something tells me that this guy would rock out. Definately extra cheesy.













David Hasselhoff
Night Rocker, 1985

As a culture overly fond of ham, Germany provided a willing audience for David Hasselhoff's 1980s musical output. Historians are still debating whether the destruction of the Berlin Wall a few years later was sparked by East Germans struggling to escape from boom-boxes blasting the Hoff.








David Lanz
East of the Moon, 2000

Grammy-winning English composer-pianist David Lanz (we'd never heard of him, either) aims to attract Gen Y to his special New Age-jazz blend with his impression of Napoleon Dynamite at hand-dance club. Is that a bird in flight? Perhaps a dove to symbolize peace? Or is Lanz conducting an invisible orchestra? As Napoleon would say, "Idiot!"





The John Tesh Project
Discovery, 1996

From the John Tesh Project — basically, a former Entertainment Tonight host and his battery-operated Casio keyboard — comes a trippy musical tale of maritime transportation gone awry. See, dude, there was this lighthouse, and then these huge ships were, like, floating in the sky...




Orleans
Waking and Dreaming, 1976

A band of modest renown from upstate New York (don't ask about the name Orleans), these '70s soft-rockers made headlines in 2004 when President Bush incorporated their biggest hit, "Still the One," into his reelection rallies without permission. What better choice for a social conservative who would amend the Constitution to ban same-sex marriage than a song promoted by five naked guys embracing? Rather than pay for fair use, Bush's camp stopped playing the tune.







Magnum
On a Storyteller's Night, 1985

Apologies to all 35-year-old D&D addicts, while we snicker at this best-of-breed salute to medieval-metal inanity. Truly, an oil-painted portal into another world, one where pretentious English rockers captivate middle-age adolescents en route to a Renaissance faire. Fare thee well!






Bernard Hebb and Finn Svit
Guitar Impressions: Music for Two Guitars, 1994

With their fan base waning, Eddie and Alex Van Halen kick it down a notch and ease into their golden years.









Mick Ronson
Play Don't Worry, 1975

No one doubts dearly departed Mick Ronson's enthusiasm and talent for the guitar. But his cross-my-heart, blue-and-black spandex top, paired with what can only be described as a striped arm warmer, forces us to reevaluate his sartorial sanity.






Joe Diffie
Life's So Funny, 1995

For our mid-'90s time capsule, class, we need an object that conveys Southern America's fixation on mullets, moustaches, and gee-tars. Extra points if you can scavange up something that includes a black leather vest and projects a dash of good-ol'-boy humor.





Daryl Stuermer
Steppin' Out, 1990

The jacket says Michael Jackson 1984, but the face says Heath Ledger 2031.









The Brothers Johnson
Look Out for Number 1, 1976

Got it, you guys are really, really, really into the guitar. Really, we got it.












Heino
Seine Großen Erfolge, 2001

Three things you need to know about Germany's Heino: 1) he never removes his shades; 2) he does a killer rendition of "Edelweiss"; 3) he considers Col. Sanders a fashion icon.








Jermaine Jackson
My Name is Jermaine, 1976

..and not "third Jackson from the left behind Michael."






See also